i weep for the future. and this post.

I’m not that old.

I haven’t even had my 20 year High School reunion yet, so don’t chalk this post up to some old lady sitting around in a rockin’ chair, a pot of soup on the stove, knitting underwear and spouting off about how much different it was in the olden days.

I’m NOT old.

But apparently, lots can change in just  a few years.  Take all this snow, for example.  Yes, we have had a ton of it this winter already. Gobs. Not denying that.  But you know what? Once the snow has been pushed from off the road and it’s safe to go to Best Buy and PetsMart? Your kids can probably go to school. Heck, if those crunky weirdo kids with all the metal in their faces can drive their own shiny non-4 wheel drive sportscars to Hardees for breakfast – school should be in session.  In fact, maybe we could hire those same kids to go around picking up all the other kids and taking them to school.

Back in my day, it took a helluvalot more to get school called off. A LOT.  We may have had 3 days a year, maybe? And I caught the bus on a mountain.  Our driver had chains on the tires. And if there were kids that the buses couldn’t get to? THOSE kids were excused, but still had to make up the missed work. The rest of us had to go. Damn lucky Mountain Kids.

Now?  I’m scared to even guess how many snow days have been spent this school year alone. Just a sec…I have an insider in the school system I can call. Let me be accurate.

10 missed so far.

3 days they let out early.

3 days they came in late.

And it’s only February 2nd. The “slick days” haven’t even gotten here yet.

What does this mean?

It means your kids are sitting at home (or they are at Hardee’s with crap in their face), or maybe even at the Mall, though I’m not sure kids do that anymore. Maybe I’m older than I thought. But anyway, they are sitting around somewhere, on their cell phone, texting or MySpace-ing or FaceBooking, misspelling every other word, like,  LOL.  Can they even type? (I mean, without using only their thumbs?)

When I was in high school, we wrote notes. (I know! We used pens and everything!)  It was an art form, really. We would spend 5 minutes just folding those notes in clever and beautiful ways. We would draw on them. We would decorate them. They were special.  I have a box full of these notes in my attic.  I even have a scrapbook of love notes Jon & I wrote each other when we first started dating.  Today’s lovebirds?

Whudup? Luv ya.

CUL8R?

K.

Wow, that’s romantic. Better save that one. But wait, there’s more! Let me just stick the phone down my pants, snap a pic and send it to you. There! That’s more like it! We’re in LOVE!

Oh. My. God. Thank sweet Jesus I grew up in the era of film cameras. No WAY would I have ever taken a picture of my junk.  That would mean some stranger at the film store would see it when they developed it. Of course, my Dad owned the film store, so that would have been double disgusting.  But still, no. We wouldn’t have done that.  These kids must either be bored or be morons. Besides, don’t they only date for 22 days and then break up? What’s gonna stop Romeo from forwarding that picture of Juliet’s shrubbery to the rest of the chess club?

Just. Say. No. Do NOT photograph your business unless you are planning on going into the world of adult film.  Your chance at becoming Miss America? Nil.  And Nip/Tuck is in it’s last season, so I doubt very seriously you’ll be getting a walk on role.

But, back to the snow days.  Is the snow really that much more drastic than it was 15 years ago? I don’t think so. Is it lawsuits preventing the school systems from running the buses? We had alternate bus routes back then. What was wrong with that?  And now with our technology? The kids that are stuck at home could be learning online. I know, I know, I am opening up a new can of worms here. What about the kids who can’t afford a computer? What about this, what about that?  Guess what? Life’s not fair. Better to learn that in school before heading off into the real world. So instead of alternate bus routes and online classes? All the kids stay home and learn NOTHING.

These kids need to be in school. The teachers also need to be in school. They could be working on lesson plans, or cleaning up their rooms, or desks, or planning extra curricular activities. They could have a big meeting and discuss alternate bus routes and figure out where in God’s name the meat in the “beef burritos” actually comes from.  Perhaps if that South Carolina Teen America chick hadn’t missed an average of 9 school days per year she’d know more about “The Iraq” and why the South African’s can’t help the US Americans find things on a map. 

Just THINK for a second. If she had been asked a question about texting or Forever 21, and NAILED the answer (obviously), she could be the current Miss America, a symbol of American Girl Perfection.  And she’d still be as dumb as a bag of her hair and possibly engaged to Mario Lopez if she could convince him to move from The California to The South Carolina State, that is, if she could find it on the map.  If only she hadn’t missed school for all those snow days.

And while I am sure that all the youngin’s are loving all this time off, as well as the teachers who are getting paid to stay at home, if it keeps up? Well, ya’ll are looking at year round school. That means NO SUMMER VACATION. Pick your battles.  Do you think that the Japanese take off for snow days? I don’t.  And thank goodness for that! We need someone with the smarts to keep building our cell phones and computers. How else are we gonna take pictures of our privates?

ROFLMAO.