What I Am Not.

I am NOT America’s Next Great Baker, according to the folks at Cake Boss and TLC.

How do I know?

Long story.

Last year, in May, I think, I applied to be on the first season of Buddy Valestro’s Cake Boss spin-off, Next Great Baker.  I filled out the lengthy application, hit Send, and away it went. I never heard a peep. Not a thanks, not a thanks but no thanks, not a YouMustBeEffingKiddingUs. Nada.

Until THIS May, a full year later. When, out of the blue I get a phone call from a casting agent, who said “Hey, I have your application here in front of me and we think you’re great. Would you mind making a few videos of yourself and having those to us in oh, 48 hours?”

And so I did.

A few torturous weeks later I got the call that I had been selected to interview. In person. In New York.

Talk about insanity. Out of thousands of applicants, I was chosen as one of the final 30 some odd bakers to fly to the city and interview for one of 12 positions. So, a couple of weeks ago, I boarded a plane at 5am, flew to Newark, and interviewed for TLC, met Buddy and his wife, toured the new Carlo’s Bakery facility at Lackawanna Center, then flew home that same night. I met a few other bakers who were also interviewing…maybe one of them will get the on-air gig.

I didn’t.

But you know what? I’m a great baker. I can decorate a cake better than lots of people. I have great clients, I have hope. And, I was one of a very elite few. Out of thousands, I made it really, really far in the process.

I should be proud of that. Probably.

Am I hurt? Yeah, a little. I wasn’t keen on having myself on television, but I was excited about what that would mean for my business. I had hoped it could help be the kick start I needed. I also wasn’t excited to be barked at or pushed around. I wasn’t looking forward to sharing a kitchen with strangers in a dog eat dog situation. I wasn’t looking forward to unfamiliarity.

But I was looking forward to excitement and making people proud of me. My parents. My husband. My son. My friends and family. I wanted them to be proud. Proud that I did something that no one else we knew had done, even if it is a reality show for cake folks.

You know what though? My cakes are better than so many I saw on last season’s show. But I think it is less about the cake and more about the drama. And I can’t be a fake person or a backstabber just for a show and a chance at 50 grand. I am not that kind of drama. I had hoped they would take a chance on a normal person. Someone like me.

I’m a housewife with a love of cake decorating. A mom who understands fondant.

I learned everything I know about cakes from bloggers and YouTube.

I don’t need this show.

I can bake. I can decorate. I don’t need the show to prove it…it would have just been the easiest and quickest route.

Someday, someway, I’ll make those people proud. I just need to find a way. Maybe it will be a cake competition. Maybe I’ll get a gig making a cake for someone or somewhere famous. Maybe I’ll get a cake in a fancy bridal magazine. Maybe.

Something.

I just need to be good enough. I thought I was. Or at least pretty close.

Am I doubting myself?

Of course. When do I not?

What’s it going to take? I was *this* close.

That close. And it kind of sucks. A lot.

I’m not going to cry about it though. I hope.

Someone tell me something to get my mind off of the news? Anything. I’m all ears.